How Authentic Group Can Help You:
Authentic Groups are a place where you practice being present in the moment, focusing your thoughts and ridding your mind of distractions. You can identify similarities with other members, relate with them, and feel like you’re not alone. It is an inexpensive way to understand and reclaim your inner life which, in turn, will enable you to be more productive in our outer life.
What Can You Gain from Authentic Group:
- Practice skills in a safe place.
- Realize your feelings without distractions.
- Learn how to work with difference in perspectives.
- Become honest with yourself and others.
- Learn more about yourself through the work of others.
Group Opportunities:
I would love the opportunity to build upon my existing Authentic Groups. If you are interested in joining these groups, please e-mail me for more information.
- Women’s Only Authentic Group: Each Tuesday, 9:30 – 11:00
- Men’s / Women’s Executive Group: Each Wednesday, 12:00 – 1:30
- Men’s / Women’s Authentic Group: Each Wednesday Evening, 5:30 – 7:00
Dr. Patty
]]>The dictionary defines a relationship as "the way in which two or more people are connected." Who is connected to your life? And, how are you nurturing that relationship to grow? Because I love to garden and spend time outdoors, I often think of relationships in the way I think of an inviting garden. They need attention, water, fertilizer and weeding. How are you tending to the relationship "gardens" in your life?
Lack of attention to relationships is one of the most common challenges in therapy. We tend to start our relationship in a joyful, almost euphoric state, not realizing that they , like most worthwhile endeavors, need actual work to grow and develop. Building and maintaining our connections requires learning and meaningful acts....and by meaningful, I don't mean something that bends your wallet or requires extensive planning. Remember how much a simple expression has brightened your day. What are you doing daily to show the people in your life you care about them (in terms of what matters to them)?
How about nourishment? Are your relationships being fed with the proper amounts of compassionate listening, heartfelt check-ins, forgiveness, and gratitude or learning to be a better giver of love? Or, are you leaving it to survive on its own in the harsh elements? I think of our current drought in Central Texas, how I sadly watched our land crack under those harsh elements.
The societal landscape (greed, selfishness, injustice, too many "others" ) further weakens our connections, and, inhibits our ability to sustain lasting peace, particularly in the tough times. Are you weeding your relationships of things that will block their growth? These blocks or "weed" come in all forms and can include jealousy, pride, over-scheduling, lack of communication, not showing our intentions and emotions loving way. They are whatever stands in the way of us making heart-felt connections. And if the relationship is not working are you addressing it, and if necessary weeding it out of your garden.
A true love respects and enables others to discover and use their potential for a full life. It extends to those we love, our community, and our environment. How will you use your love to build your legacy?
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If your answer is no, then you're not alone. Many of us find the holidays difficult because they bring up unrealistic expectations and/or negative reminders of the past.
In fact, this is so common that it has been given a name -- holiday blues. A recent poll stated that only 28% of Americans find the holidays joyful.
Let's change this! You deserve to find joy in the holidays. Recapture the joy and celebration by letting go of yesterday's expectations and adopting new rituals, ones that are life giving rather than energy draining (also known as "shoulds")
Most of you know what to do, but it's doing it that is the problem. Here are some reminders:
My holiday wish --- for you to be at peace with your authentic self and with others that are different than you this holiday season.
]]>Our twin monsters of fear and shame rob us of our ability to experience gratitude. Who knows why, but scaricity and distress can focus us on what we have, rather than who is missing at the table or what we've lost. When we refocus from what is not to what is here now, we CAN experience gratitude.
What are your experiences with gratitude? What are your blocks? How will you plan to deal with the non-Hallmark moments this holiday season?
Please share your questions, comments, experiences. I like hearing from you.
drpatty@drpattystephens.com
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As instructed, I brought a pictorial representation of my "fear" which was a laser jetted photo of a barroom with no patrons, representing my band’s live performance with no crowd. Apparently, when my band plays to nobody but the bar tenders, I interpret it as no one liking my music. Because my music is an extension of me, it is also no one liking me. Additionally, I fear the lack of control that so many people know that I want them to be in attendance, yet choose to do other things.
So, what did I learn from this workshop about how to live with these fears and anxieties? How am I better at dealing with the ambiguity of attendance numbers at my shows?
Dr. Patty suggests that fear is a combination of anxiety and stress. You can manage both of them for more ease, peace and productivity. Defining each of these elements:
How does this help me to be a better rock star? Well, for starters, I can realize that I am mind reading when I think won’t come to my show because they don’t like me. It is also a negative prediction to think that people won’t show up in the first place. So I guess, FDR WAS right, the only thing we have to fear IS fear itself, he just forgot to add stress and anxiety, but I heard he was more of a Jungian anyway.
For the past several years, I have attended Dr. Patty’s Authentic Wednesday Evening Authentic Group. Consequently, when I arrived at her “Undoing Anxiety,” Halloween-themed “Fear” workshop, I assumed that, after working with her for years, I would be relaxed and ready to work with her in this new context. I was mistaken. I saw new faces, new personalities, not to mention the two friends that I had recruited to accompany me. In the Authentic Group, I work hard to name and claim my emotions clearly and honestly, but in this new group, I was not sure how much about myself I could disclose safely. Conveniently, I felt anxiety about working in this new context.
As instructed, I brought a pictorial representation of my fear which was a laser jetted photo of a barroom with no patrons, representing my band’s live performance with no crowd. Apparently, when my band plays to nobody but the bar tenders, I interpret it as no one liking my music. Because my music is an extension of me, it is also no one liking me. Additionally, I fear the lack of control that so many people know that I want them to be in attendance, yet choose to do other things.
So, what did I learn from this workshop about how to live with these fears and anxieties? How am I better at dealing with the ambiguity of attendance numbers at my shows?
Dr. Patty suggests that fear is a combination of anxiety and stress. You can manage both of them for more ease, peace and productivity. Defining each of these elements:
How does this help me to be a better rock star? Well, for starters, I can realize that I am mind reading when I think won’t come to my show because they don’t like me. It is also a negative prediction to think that people won’t show up in the first place. So I guess, FDR WAS right, the only thing we have to fear IS fear itself, he just forgot to add stress and anxiety, but I heard he was more of a Jungian anyway.
A Problem-Not a Condition
The good news is that if you maintain constant low-level anxiety that inhibits your ability to function, it is not a permanent condition-it is a problem that can be solved. You just need new skills to turn your relationship with anxiety into one that works for, not against, you.
You can learn to identify the scary, irrational thoughts called untrue stories. How can we say they're untrue? Mostly because if we're imagining them, they haven't happened yet. Or, we revise history, kicking ourselves for not knowing then what we know now.
Try these on for size:
Don't Lose Yourself
Untrue stories eat energy. We're less able to deal with real problems. We're not present for those we love. Obsessions about what "might" happen or "could have been" rob us of today.
To escape, we consume distractions like tv, excessive alcohol or food, or even potentially healthy things like exercise. But we're filling a bucket that has holes. It doesn't work-at least, not for long.
Take Action
Review your thoughts. Are you unable to focus? Do you keep imagining the future or past? Are you repeating troubling or influencing thoughts (I need a drink; If I miss that call, my career is finished; If Suzi gets a "B," she'll never make UT; Harold's late again-so he doesn't love me)?
While the anxiety is real, the stories aren't. Pinpointing them is easiest when reflecting in the confines of a like-purposed, confidential group. Together, we see the stories for the falsehoods they are and root them out-even if we've been rehashing them for years.
Listen to your body. It might give the first clues you're lost in an untrue story with:
- shortness of breath
- stomachache
- dizziness
- muscle tension
- sleepiness without
Like the fires that have devastated our beautiful state, our internal "fires" can be destroying the peace and joy in our lives. Removing these barriers can be akin to removing the dead branches and brush in a drought -- seemingly overwhelming. Yet as overwhelming as this might seem, we have to be in a position to see what is flammable in our lives. At times, we might think we are "handling it" by denying it can happen or that is happening currently. Also, we might think we are handling it by just staying anxious.
One of these barriers is Denial and it comes in many forms. It can be ignoring a feeling we don't want, a festering past hurt, a present problem in our work or personal life , an unspoken “IT.” Denial has a lot of distractions. And like your sprinklers running during our current drought --- they may work for a while then eventually we just need rain.
Denial is not just limited to individuals --- organizations (large corporations, start-ups, non-profits, even entire communities) experience Denial in the form of ignoring poor communication, unrealistic strategic initiatives, goals, performance targets, profit planning, etc.
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DENIAL COMES WITH BENEFITS - Are you clinging to them? 1. If I don't admit that I/we are suffering, it's not true. The problem with living this way is that I promise you will eventually be empty and unprepared to save what is most valuable to you. Embracing denial often means you will squander real opportunities to contribute what you can influence (not control)the problem. Denial prevents you from finding support which, in turn, can help you build bridges with others. Learning and understanding helps us to build our strength to face our IT because we are not alone in our journey! Realizing that you are not alone comes with innumerous benefits -- you have others that can share your journey and even your burden. You have resources and support. Find out what if anything you can do to prevent your potential or current fires in your life. Please reach out to me if you think I can help you. |
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One year at Christmas, with teasing sibling rivalry I gave my brothers a sweatshirt reading "Who's Your Daddy?" While I was playing as if I had a more special relationship with my father than my brothers, a paternity question was funny to us because we all knew it wasn't true.
But later, I reflected on this. I realized much more about the importance of the concept of father and the critical roles they play in our lives. This has led me to suggest that it might also be useful for you to ask yourself: "Who ACTED AS the 'Dad or Daddy or Father' person in MY life?".
For instance, was it a person who...
Or was it a person who...
Or was it a person who...
My understanding is that these can all be aspects of "Father". And like the term "Mother", I see "Father" as comprised of much, much, more than biology or history. Fathering, best understood, is not a title, but a way of acting. And a Father is whoever is functioning to show respect, to care for, to protect, to nurture, and to educate any and all children. A "Father" laying a solid foundation for our common future.
If you had the ideal father, use his behavior as your model. If not, start a new legacy, by first learning how to truly father yourself, and then apply that new understanding for those vulnerable ones that need your caring.
In the spirit of the authenthic Father's Day, several clients are sharing their experience, from ideal to difficult.
]]>By BB
For me, I have the luck of having a Dad that I want to mature into and add my own learning, Fathers Day is a day to honor a man who demands a hug instead of a handshake, and isn’t afraid to say I love you. It is a time to honor a man (and men) who taught me to do the right thing, to look someone in the eye, to always tell the truth, and to treat everyone you meet in this world with dignity and respect.
It is a time to honor a man who instilled in me a deep connection with nature, taught me about hard work and deferred gratification, whose goal was to raise me up to be a decent, productive member of society, to be secure in who I am, to choose work I enjoy, and to make my way in the world.
How do I honor a man who has made sacrifices and passed on to me these important life lessons? Maybe it’s with a visit, a telephone call or a letter thanking him (them) for these gifts and acknowledging their importance in my life. And I can honor by simply being grateful for these gifts which I have received, and by reflecting how I can best pass these plus mine to my children and continue and improve this cycle. And I think the way to do that is by being present with my children and others, providing a safe place for them, being their father, not their friend, and by doing my best to live up to the job my father has so well prepared me for.
In my therapy work, I am learning to become more present, more grateful for the bounty of gifts I have in my life which I don’t always realize, and for helping me focus on what’s really important and what I want I want out of life.
]]>By Jens
I never knew who my father really was. As a child, the man who lived in my house was in some senses of the word," my dad". He provided me with a roof over my head and a meal. But, that is where it really stopped.
Although the protection of a roof provided me with shelter, what I really needed was shelter from him. The food he provided me gave strength to my bones and my tissues to grow... what I really needed was a kind hand and wisdom to grow to be a man.
My father grew up without a father since his parents divorced when he was very young and in a similar manner, I grew up without a father as well even though he was physically present.
I learned most everything by the strength of his hand on my body. A painful reminder of what was expected of me. I resented these lessons and it showed in my behavior of acting out.
Eventually, I guess I was too much of a handful and then I was cast away to boarding school. Where again I found myself without a father.
I often was told, I wouldn't amount to much if I carried on with my ways. Now I reflect that I wish he was still here so he could see what I have become as a Man.
As luck had it, my father didn't grow up with a father and passed that down to me by not being a father to me now we have come full circle in that I am not a father myself.
So, my work now is to find a different direction and to depend on others for the wisdom and caring which I needed growing up. One place where I am learning fathering is in group therapy.
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