A Client's Perspective on Fear
Monday, November 7, 2011 at 3:20PM For the past several years, I have attended Dr. Patty’s Wednesday Evening Authentic Group. Consequently, when I arrived at her “Undoing Anxiety” workshop, I assumed that I would be relaxed and ready to work with her in this new context. I was mistaken! I saw new faces, new personalities, not to mention the two friends that I had recruited to accompany me. In the Authentic Group, I work hard to name and claim my emotions clearly and honestly, but in this new group, I was not sure how much about myself I could disclose safely. Conveniently, I felt anxiety about working in this new context.
As instructed, I brought a pictorial representation of my "fear" which was a laser jetted photo of a barroom with no patrons, representing my band’s live performance with no crowd. Apparently, when my band plays to nobody but the bar tenders, I interpret it as no one liking my music. Because my music is an extension of me, it is also no one liking me. Additionally, I fear the lack of control that so many people know that I want them to be in attendance, yet choose to do other things.
So, what did I learn from this workshop about how to live with these fears and anxieties? How am I better at dealing with the ambiguity of attendance numbers at my shows?
Dr. Patty suggests that fear is a combination of anxiety and stress. You can manage both of them for more ease, peace and productivity. Defining each of these elements:
- Stress (external events, situations) can be measured on a spectrum, with either extreme being unproductive. If one is too stressed, they are too engaged with the world, have too much to do, too much to worry about, etc. However, when one does not have enough stimulation, they could wind up disengaged and not really living life to the fullest.
- Anxiety( internally generated) often comes from thoughts. These thoughts can be categorized as “negative predictions,” “mind reading,” and generally living as if the outcome of an event is predetermined. When one lives in the future, or mired in the past, it is difficult to deal with what is really before them, because their thoughts and energies are elsewhere.
- Combining anxiety and stress creates a feedback loop of fear, as more things go wrong because one is not paying attention to what is currently transpiring in one’s life. Living in the past or future saps one of the energy and focus required to live well in the present.
How does this help me to be a better rock star? Well, for starters, I can realize that I am mind reading when I think won’t come to my show because they don’t like me. It is also a negative prediction to think that people won’t show up in the first place. So I guess, FDR WAS right, the only thing we have to fear IS fear itself, he just forgot to add stress and anxiety, but I heard he was more of a Jungian anyway.
For the past several years, I have attended Dr. Patty’s Authentic Wednesday Evening Authentic Group. Consequently, when I arrived at her “Undoing Anxiety,” Halloween-themed “Fear” workshop, I assumed that, after working with her for years, I would be relaxed and ready to work with her in this new context. I was mistaken. I saw new faces, new personalities, not to mention the two friends that I had recruited to accompany me. In the Authentic Group, I work hard to name and claim my emotions clearly and honestly, but in this new group, I was not sure how much about myself I could disclose safely. Conveniently, I felt anxiety about working in this new context.
As instructed, I brought a pictorial representation of my fear which was a laser jetted photo of a barroom with no patrons, representing my band’s live performance with no crowd. Apparently, when my band plays to nobody but the bar tenders, I interpret it as no one liking my music. Because my music is an extension of me, it is also no one liking me. Additionally, I fear the lack of control that so many people know that I want them to be in attendance, yet choose to do other things.
So, what did I learn from this workshop about how to live with these fears and anxieties? How am I better at dealing with the ambiguity of attendance numbers at my shows?
Dr. Patty suggests that fear is a combination of anxiety and stress. You can manage both of them for more ease, peace and productivity. Defining each of these elements:
- Stress (external events, situations) can be measured on a spectrum, with either extreme being unproductive. If one is too stressed, they are too engaged with the world, have too much to do, too much to worry about, etc. However, when one does not have enough stimulation, they could wind up disengaged and not really living life to the fullest.
- Anxiety( internally generated) often comes from thoughts. These thoughts can be categorized as “negative predictions,” “mind reading,” and generally living as if the outcome of an event is predetermined. When one lives in the future, or mired in the past, it is difficult to deal with what is really before them, because their thoughts and energies are elsewhere.
- Combining anxiety and stress creates a feedback loop of fear, as more things go wrong because one is not paying attention to what is currently transpiring in one’s life. Living in the past or future saps one of the energy and focus required to live well in the present.
How does this help me to be a better rock star? Well, for starters, I can realize that I am mind reading when I think won’t come to my show because they don’t like me. It is also a negative prediction to think that people won’t show up in the first place. So I guess, FDR WAS right, the only thing we have to fear IS fear itself, he just forgot to add stress and anxiety, but I heard he was more of a Jungian anyway.
Reader Comments (3)
"How does this help me to be a better rock star?" Rock stars should never be afraid to face the crowd and perform, right? A rock star or not, we should understand our fears and know how to face them. Thanks for sharing this.
Having control with our feelings is not so easy especially when it comes to handling stress and anxiety. This post proves that people should first understand what stress and anxiety is before we can learn to cope up with them.
Everyone has his/her own fears or insecurities. It's an unavoidable fact so we can do nothing but face it. Glad to hear you're willing to attend workshops like this one to manage your fears.